i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
