You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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