I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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