There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
