He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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