I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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