He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
