i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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