She is in my trunk
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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