I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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