Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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