I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
