And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
