Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
