If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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