Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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