Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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