shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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