No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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