I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
