never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
