u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
