i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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