Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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