Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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