Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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