hotel room ftw
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize