I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
