the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
