you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
