I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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