Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize