If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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