I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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