whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
