We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
