turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
