oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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