If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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