I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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