you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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