It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
