dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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