I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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