Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
