In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
