ya dads aren't the best wingmen
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
