Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize