I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
