It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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