dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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