Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
