He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
