This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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