the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize