3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
