it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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