I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Never joke about your clitoris.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
