another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
