I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
