I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
did i walk over a car last night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
