If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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