Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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